The Wife of Lear
by CalumcGee
Summary: Why don't we ever hear about the mother in King Lear? What if that mother was The Wife of Bath? My first fanfic, based on the two texts I am studying; I just thought I'd see what the two brilliantly flawed protagonists would be like together as a devious (and rather immoral) couple. Written (at the moment) from the Wife's point of view, but that may change later. Enjoy! :)
1. Chapter 1

"Well now, here's a good man

Living all on his own.

Rich, old, handsome,

And as for sex on a throne…"

My name's Alisoun by the way, I'm sure you've heard many tales of me and my… escapades… I met my current husband a while back now, back when he had all that trouble with his three daughters. He was planning to split up the kingdom between them, you see he's nice like that; they just took advantage of him. Well, the eldest two did, they flattered him and told him they loved him like the venomous serpent of the Fall. The youngest flat out refused to express any kind of love for him whatsoever and ran off with the King of France. That was why me and my darling Lear hatched the plot to regain the throne and the power.

My husband and I realised quickly that Goneril and Regan, his eldest two, would run riot with all the power they had, and so we let them. We let them think that they ruled the roost and had pushed us away, broken us. They fell straight into the trap.

Lear was the one who really went for the plan, the whole pretending to go mad thing was pure genius… Then the little mousey one, Cordelia, came back expecting for Lear to respect and love her again, as if nothing had ever happened, like she hadn't disowned him for some French nobleman. I know what you're thinking, I'm not exactly a one-man woman, but I do take pride in waiting for one husband to be exhausted before moving on to the next one! They were all useless anyway, couldn't handle me. Gifts and things are nice, I mean, but they don't make up for a good old-fashioned romp in the hay!

Anyway, I digress; Lear feigned his love for her and pretended that it was all fine, whilst I had a little chat with a certain Edmund of Gloucester, setting up a fake arrest and the murder of the three daughters. Of course, it was all so well set out… he's a clever little one, that Edmund… it looked like such a tragic accident, they all kicked the bucket and me and my darling Lear ran off with his money. He buys me such wonderful things from all over the world, and the sex isn't that bad either… None of that "Weilawey" rubbish, he's a real man who knows what he likes and isn't afraid of taking it.

We're having a great life now, we have the throne, the power, the money, no hateful brats to worry about; all that a woman could dream of and more. All I desire of him is that he lets me look after him, the poor man, he needs a strong woman like me to care for him (not that I'd ever tell him that, of course, Lord no, that would spoil the fun). The only downside is the bloody crowd of knights that he meets up with on Fridays down the tavern, bloody noisy lot they are when they turn up in their masses… a bloody gaggle of geese they are! Not half-bad looking though…


	2. Chapter 2

I did it, you know, I actually did it. I got rid of each and every last one of them. It took time and skill, oh you bet it did, but I did it.

It started one Friday evening when they turned up for him, as per usual. They banged on the door, drunk as mice already; it was bloody 7 o clock in the evening! We hadn't even had dinner! The old fool muttered some pathetic excuse about having to go under his beard and waddled off to the door to greet the young fools.

Since I married Lear he hasn't been the same, you know. The sex has gone right downhill and he hardly speaks to me! I end up just rambling on whilst he nods and agrees every now and then, as if I don't know what he's up to! Some days I almost wish I'd kept his Fool; sure he went on a bit and I didn't know what he was saying half the time, but at least he was better conversation than this old git.

Anyway, out they all went that evening, the usual lot: Lear, the Earl of Gloucester, Knights, the whole rowdy crew, fighting and shouting their heads off like a bunch of cockerels! As soon as they left I had my supper and went to our practically disused bed; and it was there that I hatched my plan.

That morning I woke up, turned and moved over to the old goat (it's quite a way to move in our big bed) and asked him about his night. You know, the usual, "How was it? Who went?" et cetera, et cetera. He muttered something vaguely intelligible about the usual lot and the tavern and a punch-up so I ignored that, saying "Mm, there a nice lot, those lads, not bad looking either, have they all got wives and girlfriends or…" I trailed off but looked meaningfully into his eyes, leaving the rest to his imagination. He gave me a look of such extreme emotion that I haven't seen since the first time we made love, except this was different; this was pure anger and jealousy.

He leapt out of bed and shouted at me, "I knew it! Which one is it? I knew they wouldn't be able to keep their perverted paws off you!" Well, I couldn't help being a little flattered by that now, could I?

That very day he fired the lot of them; I never knew it was so easy! Well, I guess my womanly ways worked their magic once again. Not only that, but things have definitely improved in the bedroom, he's gone from a hairy, lazy ass to being like the strong and experienced stallion he once was. He's become very protective too, doesn't let other men near me, no matter how hard I try…

Apart from that, things are pretty peaceful around here, I'm still getting my fair share in things from the local market that he buys for me, (Well, with a King's fortune I need to help him spend it somehow, don't I?) and he's ruling pretty well too. Of course I help him from time to time, he needs a bit of a woman's help with some things; he gets the credit but I know that without me he'd be half the King he is now…


End file.
